Sayings

Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem
your own reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company.
- George Washington


Sayings

Pete & Gladys

Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in
the furniture store.

Pete said to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't
think we can afford it."

The salesman said, "You just make a small down payment, and
then you don't make another payment for six months."

Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and said,
"Who told you about us?"

Famous Quotes

Lumbercamp Falls Skillet

Ingredients
2 slices bacon
3 medium round red potatoes (1 pound), thinly sliced
1 medium red or green sweet pepper, cut into 1/2-inch strips (1 cup)
1 cup chopped onion
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 pound cooked smoked andouille or sausage links, cut into 1/2-inch
slices
1 10-ounce package frozen whole kernel corn

Directions
1. In a very large skillet, cook bacon till crisp. Remove bacon,
reserving bacon drippings. Drain bacon on paper towels. Crumble bacon;
set aside.

2. Add potatoes to skillet. Cook and stir over medium heat for 5
minutes. Add sweet pepper and onion. Sprinkle with salt, cayenne, and
black pepper. Cook and stir for 8 minutes more. Add sausage and corn.
Cook and stir for 8 to 10 minutes more or till potatoes are tender and
browned. Sprinkle with reserved crumbled bacon. Serve immediately. Makes
6 servings.

Beavers

When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water.

"We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them."

As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by the bridge.

It read: Beavers 3 - Rangers 2

The elephant

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A. That little thing is really cute but, can you breathe through it?

Truth in Sports

An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the middle.

The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland.

The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three."

Two Categories

All objects in the world can be placed into one of two categories:

1. Things that need to be fixed,

2. Things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.

The stork family

The stork family sat down to dinner and the Daddy stork said, "Mama, what did
you do today?"

She said, "I made a young couple very happy this afternoon. What did you do?"

The Daddy stork said, "I did the same thing. I made a married couple very happy also."

The Mama stork looked at the baby stork and asked, "What did you do today?"

The baby stork said, "I scared the Hell out of some college students!"


Funny Jokes

Good Quotes

Good Quotes

It's really easy to complain. If you're not careful, then you end up complaining about your whole life. Concentrating on the good things is really good. Catch people doing good.
- Lisa Williams

Famous Quotes

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new
office, and his staff was helping transport many of the
items.
I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony
arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the
drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the
people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked
across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's
office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell
you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"